


Good world falls apart

by AyafeatKalona



Series: Alternative Universes [Stray Kids x Merciadence] [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Blood, F/M, Minor Character Death, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:28:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29139294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AyafeatKalona/pseuds/AyafeatKalona
Summary: Aya gets a letter that shatters her whole world. Her soul mate Felix doesn't know what to do.Warnings: mentioning of blood, self-harm and death.
Relationships: Lee Felix & Original Character(s), Lee Felix (Stray Kids)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Alternative Universes [Stray Kids x Merciadence] [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1486232
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: mentioning of blood, self-harm and death

Pain. That is what I feel. Pain on my arms caused by my bitten nails digging into my forearms. Digging in so deep that they draw blood. Pain from several other wounds on my legs and upper body where I let my hands wander. Wander in hopes of calming the pain inside me. But nothing helps. The pain inside me being so strong that I feel like being torn apart. The pain of the life hardly built after years of falling down breaking down again. Of the almost perfect and happy me breaking down being buried by the weight and the pain. The pain of losing someone.  
I hear the water running into the bathtub and running over the edge. Flooding the bathroom. Drenching my clothes and trying to wash away the blood on them. But even that doesn’t stop the tears from flowing free. Doesn’t stop the pain from hurting. Doesn’t stop the blood from flowing. Doesn’t stop the wounds from aching. Doesn’t stop the cold from entering my body. 

I can only faintly hear the front door opening and Felix entering. “Aya, I’m home.” His voice echoes through the flat. 

I don’t stand up. Only listen to his worried calls when I don’t answer. Listen to his panicked steps when he notices the running water. Hear his frantic knocking on the door. Hear his cries when he notices the colour in the water. “Aya?! Please, answer me.” Again, I don’t answer. “Aya, please be alright,” were his last cries before tried to open the door with his body weight.  
I don’t know how long he tried that but eventually the door gave in and Felix was standing in the bathroom. His shocked gaze fell to me and then I was in his embrace. And everything hurt even more. He was trying to not hurt me further but with all my injuries that was a lost cause. I cried and I cried. Because of the pain. The outer pain. From the wounds. And the inner pain. My throbbing head. My insides. My heart. My soul. And Felix held me through all of it. The running water stopped some time after that. 

Sometime later, minutes or even hours, I was calm enough for Felix to help me up and gently lead me to the bed. He didn’t care about the bed getting wet or he himself. He gently tucked me into his arms so that I was lying on his chest and gently caressed over my back. 

I don’t know when I feel asleep but ultimately I did. When I woke up, I was warm and being buried in a lot of blankets. There was no body other than mine. But mine was bandaged and in dry clothes. 

With a heavy heart and heavy steps I stood up and went outside, one blanket wrapped around my body. I slowly made my way to the kitchen and was greeted with Felix sitting on my kitchen table leaning over the letter I got from the hospital the day earlier. His gaze met mine and I could see so many different emotions in his brown eyes. Wordlessly, he stood up and wrapped his arms around my shivering body. 

“I’m sorry,” was all he whispered. “I’m so sorry.” 

I couldn’t hold back my tears any more and clawed my nails into Felix’s back. My tears disturbing my sight yet my eyes never left the letter.

The letter stating the death of my brother.


	2. ...but even they will heal.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aya's day gets harder before it gets better. Felix worries and the others take care of them.
> 
> Warning: a funeral

I don’t know how Felix hold me in his arms nor how long I cried. When I was aware of my surroundings again, Felix was leaning against my fridge while I was curled into his chest, with his left hand running softly and gently through my hair and his right hand drawing circles on my shoulder. I lean back to look into his worried brown eyes. 

“Do you want a cup of tea?”, he asked and tried to stand up but my hand was faster on his wrist than he realised and tucked him back down again. Felix’s face showed surprise when his gaze met mine. I shook my head slowly.

“Don’t go. Don’t leave me alone.” 

My voice didn’t sound like mine at all. It was raw and dry and my throat hurt while speaking. I lowered my head in shame for how its sounded. Felix raised his hand to take a hold on my chin and raised my head. My breath got caught as I saw the gaze he gave me. It was soft, gentle and held so much love that tears started to gather in my eyes. 

“I will never leave you. Never.” 

His words were simple yet they meant the world to me. Once again, he gathered me in his arms and planted a kiss on the top of my head. His warmth was comforting and my mind started to calm down. My eyelids grew heavier and before I knew it, I feel asleep. 

I woke up because my phone was vibrating like it did whenever I got a message. After looking around I found the room empty and the sunlight filtering through the curtains. It seems like the next day already began. Looking at my phone I noticed two things: the time reading 9:45 am - Felix was probably at work already – and the message from my mother. It was about my brother’s funeral. 

My breath got stuck in my throat. His funeral. He really is dead?! My mind still hadn’t processed the fact that I could never see my brother again. That I could never smile and laugh with him again. Tears started to gather in my eyes and were running down my face. Once again, I was a sobbing mess and this time Felix wasn’t here and he wouldn’t be here for a long time. 

My phone vibrated once more. This time, mum send me a file. With shaking fingers, I opened the file and once more my breath got stuck in my throat. It was a plane ticket. For today at 2pm. 

I sat up and looked around. I could easily pack a backpack full of the most important things. I still had clothes at my mother’s house. So I quickly showered and dressed in “better clothes" how my mum used to call them. Afterwards I packed my bag and not even half an hour later, I was closing my front door locking it. 

My flat wasn’t far away from the airport so I didn’t need to take a cub. As I was walking I thought about my life. Felix had his work which left him exhausted more often than he would admit it and I had a quite nice workplace too. I called my boss telling her that I probably wouldn’t be back next week due to the funeral. She wasn’t mad at me and understood why I couldn’t come to work.

After that call, I was already at the airport. Opening the ticket, I made my way to the security gate. After being checked, I was on my way to my gate and before I knew it, I was on the plane. Back to my home country. Back to my family. Back to Germany. 

After landing in Frankfurt am Main, I was picked up by my stepfather who caught me in a hug. “ I am so sorry,” were his first words for me. No hello, no how are you. “I am too,” was all I could say. He guided me out of the airport and to his car. 

The drive to my childhood home lasted almost 3 hours. When we arrived, I could see my mum standing at the porch waiting for me. Like my stepfather she caught me in a hug and we just stood there. I don’t know for how long but I didn’t care. After mum released me we went inside and I was hit by many memories. Memories of me being a child, a teen and then a young woman. Memories of my family. Memories of times spent with my brother. Times I could never have again. 

On a frame on top of the cupboard in the living room was a photo of me and my brother. We were children, neither of us older than 10. Smiles graced our faces and we looked happy, so happy. 

Taking the frame into my hand, I traced my brother’s face. Memories of happy times spent together resurfaced and tear drops landed on the glass. I quickly whipped my face and placed the frame back. My mum entered the living room and saw my crying form coming over and wrapping her arms around me. She held me closely and I feel asleep , exhausted from the long flight and my still wavering emotions. 

The next day was the funeral already. It was raining and when I woke up, I didn’t want to move. Wanted to crawl back and hope for the world to forget about me. But my mum knocked on my door and looked at me with so much sadness that I knew I had to stand up. She was strong enough for both of us helping me through the day until the funeral began. I could only eat little but even with that I felt like I had to throw up standing in front of my brother’s grave. The priest was beginning his speech. 

“We have come here to honour the fallen soul of Christopher. He was a remarkable young men, co-worker, friend, son and brother. He always cared for others more than about himself and he only acted out of generosity. He never wanted to take people and circumstances for granted and he fought for a better life for everyone. He was kind and honest and yet energetic and stubborn, always striving for a better future for the people he cared about the most: his family. He supported them in their times of need and never regretted anything. He truly was remarkable young men. Now, he sits beside our lord and smiles upon this world. We will never forget him.”

He hadn’t even spoken the first words and I was already in tears. The rain drenched us all yet my tears still fell. I tried to keep quiet but it was too much. My knees collapsed and I was sitting in the wet grass hunched over under the weight of my pain and sadness. I didn’t notice how the speech ended and how the other attendees laid their flowers on his grave. Didn’t notice my mum and stepfather kneeling at my sides and trying to calm me. When I was calm enough that I could look up, I was the only one with a flower. Inhaling a shaky breath I stood up on and walked forward. 

Placing me flower down I whispered: “I love you, Christopher.”  
We left the graveyard after his coffin was lowered down and covered in earth. I don’t remember much after that. Only falling asleep. 

Standing up the next day was hard and I didn’t want to. My stepfather came into my room and saw me covered in my blanket. “Sweetie, you have to stand up. Your flight is today.” 

After that I forced my body to move. I dressed and ate. The drive to the airport was long. Both my parents hugged me and wished me a safe flight. Shortly after boarding the plane I fell asleep. 

I was shaken awake by a stewardess who told me that we arrived. I left the plane and made my way home. The sun was shining yet I still felt like crying. My heart and mind still not used to being alone. 

Entering my flat I discarded my shoes and my jacket to enter the living room. I was met by multiple pairs of worried brown eyes. One of them stood up and made their way toward me. Felix wrapped his arms around me and placed my head unto his shoulder. Immediately, I started crying again. 

“He really is gone now. He really left me alone. Christopher will never be here with me any more. He...he...,” my cries got stuck and I could only cry and scream the agony out of my body. 

Felix’s grip on my tightened and the others made their way to us to envelope me in a group hug. I could see Chan behind Felix looking at me with so much worry and love. It took me a few minutes until I was calm again. They placed me unto the couch and set around me. 

Chan was speaking quietly: “Where were you? We looked everywhere for you.” My voice was raw from all the crying. “In Germany. Mum sent me a plane ticket so I could attend his funeral.” At the mention of my brother’s funeral Felix’s tightened his grip on my shoulder. I buried my head into his chest.  
Minho cleared his throat. “Now that you are back we will leave you. If you need anything, please let us know.” I nodded and smiled at him. At least I tried to smile. It was more akin to a grimace but I tried. The others left not before everyone enveloped me into a hug. Chan whispered something into my ear while hugging me: “We have a few days off so you have Felix here. If you need anything else, please let us know.” Grateful I hugged Chan tighter. However, he also had to leave leaving Felix and me behind. 

Felix was already in the kitchen making diner for us when I place my arms around his waist leaning my head in between his shoulder blades. 

“Thank you Felix. For being here and for worrying about me.” 

Felix squeezed my hands. 

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in a mess of mind when I found out my step-father would undergo a heart surgery that a friend of mine didn't survived.


End file.
